Critical Comparison Crap

I’m working on two paintings this week, both using the same reference. Here’s one of the works-in-progress with the background and underpainting blocked in. I’m enjoying this immersion in portraiture so much, and I’m having so many ideas for paintings.

Recently, I saw a portrait by another artist in the online class/community I’m participating in, and the portrait blew me away. I was in awe of the piece, and I still am. It’s exquisite.

The following musing has nothing to do with the artist, or their process, it is an observation of my own internal process, and the sneaky way my inner critic operates.

The portrait was posted in the class community, and it stood out because it was so different from the majority of the rest of the group, who had used the reference the teacher provided.

In hindsight, of course, it is obvious that the awesome and exquisite portrait was also the result of the artist in question using a reference, just a different one, but my wee critic immediately told me the story that what I was looking at was pure genius, expressed with no reference, and that I would never, ever be able to render such a thing.

This was a few weeks ago, and it was only today when I was procrastinating on Pinterest when the page auto-refreshed and served me up a photograph I instantly realised was the reference photo for the awesome, luscious and exquisite portrait.

When this dawned on me it took nothing at all away from my admiration for the portrait, and my quite visceral reaction to the energy the artist portrayed – which is quite different from the original reference – and it took nothing at all away from the artists’ skill with the materials, or their voice. No, when this dawned on me I looked instead at the way my inner critic had snuck in and taken me to that place I try very hard to stay away from – comparison, and comparison always, always finds a way to make the user feel less-than.

So if today has brought me anything, other than absolute and total confirmation that January has finally, finally ended, it brought me a random and unexpected reminder that I need to be mindful of my inner critic wherever and whenever it shows up, and always ask ‘Is this really true?‘ before I internalise another dose of the not-good-enough poison.