In the far distant past we replaced the entire central heating system of the flat we lived in at the time – radiators, under floor pipes, boiler, the whole shebang.
Prior to the arrival of the rather lovely father and son team who undertook the job, I undertook the preparation tasks which involved lifting the carpets, and pulling up hundreds of nails that someone had used to secure a layer of hardboard over the original floorboards.
Once the rather lovely son and father team had made much noise for an entire week, a decision was made that the hard-boards would henceforth be attached to the floorboards with screws instead of nails.
This decision was made by Himself, who also decided it would be his responsibility to buy the screws and do the screwing.
Two years later Himself bought the screws.
Six months later he finally got down to screwing.
Whilst he was screwing there was a knock at the door. I answered, and was greeted by the Polis. Said Bobby was inquiring if I knew the woman who lived in a flat across the street. He said “It’s nothing to worry about, we are just trying to find her.”
After stating that I had no knowledge of her, or information that could help with the inquiry, I closed the door, then filled Himself in on what he might have missed.
A wee while later Himself piped up:
“Do you think it looks at all suspicious that I was screwing the floorboards down when the Polis were trying to trace a missing woman?”
Thrummie Bizzum 
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